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Newspage broker poetry competition - March 2023

ended 19. March 2023

Following Rhys - “Percy Bysshe Shelley” - Schofield of Peak Mortgages and Protection writing a poem about the conveyancing process and reading it aloud on LinkedIn, free PR platform, Newspage, decided to launch a Newspage monthly broker poetry competition. Brokers could use any format, from an ode or sonnet to a villanelle, and we suspect — no, know — there was a fair bit of AI in some of them. The only entry rules were that it must be about something to do with mortgages. The submissions from 12 mortgage muses are below.

11 responses from the Newspage community

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Rohit Kohli
Director at The Mortgage Stop
A banker from England's fair shore,
Raised interest rates just a bit more,
The people dismayed,
For mortgages prayed,
As they braced for the financial uproar.
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Emma Jones
Managing Director at Whenthebanksaysno.co.uk
A Mortgage adviser's job is insane,
It really tests the brain.
We deal with the likes of Truss,
Whose actions have caused a huge fuss.
With rates changing each day,
We hope will be stable by May.
Opinions from Dave at the pub,
Or Jimmy at the football club,
Aren’t always precise.
Stick to your adviser's advice.
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Natalie Hines
Founder at Premier One Mortgages
There once was a man called Jerome,
Who decided it was time to own his own home.
He went to his bank to ask for a loan,
But was aghast when it was the door he was shown.
Panic setting in from his bank being mediocre,
A friend saves the day and introduces a formidable broker.
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Hannah Bashford
Director at Model Financial Solutions
A home is more than just a roof and walls,
It's a place of love and cherished memories that enthralls.
It's where we feel safe, secure, and free,
A place where our hearts can truly be.

A mortgage may be a part of the deal,
But it's a small price for a home that's real.
A place to call our own, where we thrive,
Where we can make memories that come alive.

It's where we gather with family and friends,
A place where love and laughter never ends.
A haven of comfort and peace,
Where our joys and sorrows release.

It's where we build our lives and dreams,
A place where our hearts truly gleam.
A home is a place that kindles fire,
A place where our souls never tire.

So cherish your home, with love and pride,
For it's a place where your heart will always reside.
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Kasia Makarewicz
Senior Mortgage Adviser at Step by Step
Mortgage, mortgage, on the wall, who's the debtor of them all?
Is it you or is it me, or the bank that holds the key?
We signed the papers, we got the loan,
We thought it would be easy to own,
A house to call our very own,
But now we're stuck with this big stone.
The payments due, the interest high,
We can't afford to let it slide,
We'll have to work until we die,
Just to keep this roof and ride.
But let's not worry, let's not fret,
We'll find a way to pay our debt,
We'll rent a room, we'll sell a pet,
We'll do whatever it takes, you bet.
And when the mortgage is finally done,
And we're no longer on the run,
We'll throw a party, we'll have some fun,
And celebrate our home sweet home.
So here's to mortgage, here's to debt,
Here's to all the things we can't forget.
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Justin Moy
Managing Director at EHF Mortgages
Twas Shakespeare who once wrote a play,
Romi & Julie, and they wanted to stay.
In London they lived, working hard to pay,
The increasing bills and rent due today.
The landlord said, why don’t you buy,
This great 1 bedroom flat, why not try,
To borrow money from the bank,
To make money, no need to thank.
Rent it out the man said,
That will help pay for food and bread.
She found the tenant, he paid the fees,
Next thing you knew, the tenant flees.
He went with Julie, leaves Romi in tears,
He’s left with the bill and plenty of fears.
The moral of this poem, I should bet,
Is that Romi-owes what Julie-let.
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Riz Malik
Independent Financial Adviser at R3 Wealth
There once was a Chancellor named Hunt, whose Budget gave some folks a grunt.
He tickled the rich, a financial itch, while the poor were left with the brunt.

With property, he didn't engage, yet potholes filled him with rage,
A rake could suffice, but oh wouldn't it be nice,
If housing could take centre stage?

Mortgage rates rose, folks felt the pinch, as house prices fell, inch by inch.
No doubling in sight, Just a long, restless night,
For those who faced quite the financial clinch.

Supercomputers, his quantum ambition, aroused interest but caused some suspicion,
For the housing scene could use a good clean, and a Chancellor with better intuition.
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Austyn Johnson
Founder at Mortgages For Actors
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm rubbish at poetry, coffee.
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Rhys Schofield
Brand Director at Peak Mortgages and Protection
There once was a Bank of England rate,
That caused quite a financial debate,
It went up, it went down,
Leaving bankers with a frown,
But we all just had to sit back and wait.
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Joe Stallard
Director and Advisor at House and Holiday Home Mortgages
Shall I compare thee to a short-term let?
Thou art more comely, and more human,
Rough winds did shake our buyer journey yet –
Our cottage dream home is now become our land…

Sometime so hot, our guests are lining up,
And often doth our rental days exceed,
An Easter fair doth fill our savings cup,
By chance, we use this fortune to fulfil our need.

For our diverting, short-let property,
Doth give us joy in its possession true.
So thus our mortgage broker’s fee,
Seems dim compared to what we grew.

So long as we shall plan for later days,
Our retirement cottage waits, with blessed short stays.
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Amit Patel
Adviser at Trinity Finance
Mirror, Mirror on the wall.
When will the base rate start to fall?