The Metro: Comments from psychologists on FOSY (Fear of Saying Yes)

I've seen this in financial coaching clients. I have seen it the other way, with people saying yes for the fear of missing out on an opportunity, whether in business or a personal sense.
I would always suggest stepping back and asking how saying yes (or no) will affect other parts of your life. Rarely will we consciously think about how a new hobby or career change will affect our current goals. Do these new things bring you closer or move you further away from your existing goals? Do your existing goals still matter to you?
We all crave excitement and variety in our lives, which makes saying yes to things easier than saying no, I would contend.
Do exercises such as naming your most important values, then goals. This can provide a screening of opportunities to see if they work with what's most important to you as a person now

As a Life Coach one of the most common things I hear from clients is "I'm scared of failing" or "I'm scared this is the wrong opportunity for me."
The advice I can give;
Reframing your thinking: Instead of focusing on the negatives of saying "yes" try to shift your perspective and focus on the potential positives, how might your life be better? what could you gain from saying yes
Practice saying yes in small situations: If it feels overwhelming to commit to a big "Yes" try committing to some smaller things first to practice getting comfortable with saying yes and building your confidence.
Understand the benefits of failing: It's a huge part of learning, it helps us recognise what we could do better next time, it builds resilience and we need to view it as a temporary setback on the path to success.

It is so easy to say a big, fat yes to exciting opportunities in our heads, but when it comes to getting the word out, it’s a whole different story.

I explore four reasons why: we’re scared of what people might think (of not knowing what to do or making a fool of ourselves); we listen to our inner critic who tells us we are not enough; we feel the guilt (I don’t have the time, it’ll cost too much, I don’t deserve it…); or it’s just too big and scary..

If you recognise yourself back in this list, there are a couple things you can ask yourself:
1) What would you miss out on by saying no?
2) Name your fear. Explore it. Saying it out loud can reduce it
3) How real is the guilt/ likelihood of looking silly/ not knowing what to do?
4) What could you gain from a yes?

Our brains are wired to protect us from harm but they can’t differentiate between threats so might discount safe things. It’s an instinctive response that our minds make at speed.
We can rewire ourselves:
1. Be aware that your subconscious mind is protecting you & influencing your decision making. You can then choose how to respond.
2. Break down the opportunity into its component parts. Work out whether they are in your comfort, stretch or panic zone.
3. For each element in the stretch or panic zone, what would it take to move it into your comfort zone? What help or information do you need? You’ll be amazed at how much more perspective you’ll have on the decision.
4. Make your decision!
5. Reflect! Did it work out? What have you learned? It reaffirms that you CAN do it. It trains your mind to believe it’s possible!