A-Level results - coping with disappointment

I always recommend people acknowledge how they feel, rather than ignore it. Reflect and review your options, as life always has more than one pathway. Seek perspective, too, and remember that many successful people struggled at A-Level. Set some new goals to focus on and use the disappointment as a way to learn and develop adaptability, as these are skills that will continue to be valuable no matter your next move. But most of all, understand that it’s okay to be disappointed. Just don’t let it stop you shining.

Dealing with disappointment is universal, and is heightened during times such as A-Level results day. Based on my experience as a psychologist and senior university lecturer, here’s how to navigate it. Students should feel the emotion, as it’s natural to feel down when results aren’t as expected. Allow yourself that moment without self-judgement. Students should also take note that life’s unpredictability means today’s setbacks can lead to tomorrow’s opportunities. What seems a blow now may direct you to a more fruitful path ahead. Students should also seek support as talking helps. Discuss your feelings with a trusted individual, whether a friend, family member or counsellor. Students should also reassess and reframe their goals. Reflect on your ambitions as there are multiple pathways to success. Remember, every challenge is a chance to grow and pivot towards new, often unforeseen, opportunities.

Disappointment is hard, especially when, for a child, it may be the first time they are really experiencing it. As a parent, you can help your child understand their feelings by listening to them and asking them questions to allow them to share their disappointment and concerns and think beyond their grades. Your child may be in a place of fear along with the worry, so allowing them to speak is critical along with understanding what sits below the disappointment. Questions to ask your child to help them see beyond their initial emotions are: What can you control in this moment? It’s too easy to dwell on the things you have no control over. What choices do you have now? There is always a choice, even though it may not feel like it initially. Sometimes the first choice can be as simple as taking a deep breath. As a parent it may be natural to tell them how it should be in your eyes, maybe because of your own concerns, but it's vital to offer a listening ear at the outset.

When we don’t get the outcome we want it can take time to process. As a parent, offer your child the chance for a conversation, whether a lunch date or in a relaxed space to discuss if they want to. Don’t press the conversation, just offer it. We can jump in too soon with the "shoulda, woulda, coulda" but it doesn’t change anything. When your children are ready, explore alternative avenues but take their lead. Expect emotion and above all just be there.

Disappointment is an expectation that wasn’t met. It feels bad and can cause you to react in negative ways, resulting in closing down and retracting from life. Deal with disappointment: A.C.T Awareness: Recognise that when you feel disappointed it’s because an expectation hasn’t been met. Be kind to yourself, sit with the feeling and allow the disappointment to surface. Have a loved one sit with you so you feel comforted and safe to feel your pain. Compassion: Be honest with yourself, share with another or journal in pen, what you feel and why you think your expectation wasn’t met. There is ALWAYS a learning to be had. Take Action: Do something you truly enjoy! Enjoying ourselves awakens our spirit and ignites our creativity and that is a powerful place to feel inspired. Parents: Ultimately remember the most profound way to love your child is to simply BE there, by holding a loving and non-judgemental space for them, no advice, only love. (Available for radio today except: 1.45-3.30pm)

Watch out for criticism
When things haven’t gone as hoped, we’re often pulled into blame, which only makes the situation harder to manage. Avoid unhelpful comparisons with others – these only fuel the feeling. Instead, try to be kind and take a balanced look at what can be taken from this.

Keep perspective
It might feel like the end of the world (as a student or as a parent) but it isn’t. Many successful people didn’t do well at school but were able to work hard and channel their talents in other ways. Keeping in mind a bigger picture of what you want for your life can prevent any bumps along the way from derailing you.

We’re not our achievements
There is so much more to someone than their A Level grades. Remember to tell yourself or your child that you/they are loved regardless of their grades. There will be other areas of strength and positive qualities. Comfort and connection with friends/family are what’s needed here so disappointment is managed rather than carried forward.