My life’s passion is coaching people to achieve their full potential.

Throughout my 20-year career, I have worked with athletes and business executives in elite environments, including professional rugby and football players, world-ranked tennis players and C-Suite executives at multi-national companies. I hold an MSc in Human Performance and a BSc in Sports Science and Coaching. Check out my Linkedin Profile here.

I am the Founder and Performance Director of Cognitive Athlete, a bespoke human performance coaching company, on a mission to lead elite business executives towards obtaining and sustaining optimal results over the long term. If you want more information check out the company page here.

medicine

management

politics

Lee Eldridge

Business Dads Write Up Introduction The landscape of business and how we work has changed forever. As someone who coaches and supports people, I wanted to know more about these changes' effects. As a dad and having my own business, I felt the need to speak to other business dads to understand their challenges in growing a business and being a leader, all while trying to be the best dad they could be.&nbsp; I started interviewing business dads just before the end of 2021. My goal was to interview 50 business dads in different sectors to see their biggest challenges, frustrations and fears in the ever-changing situations that we all face today.&nbsp; Before we start discussing the challenges, this was not in any way to deflect business mums' challenges, frustrations and fears. All working partners try to do the best for their children and work. There are similar and different challenges for mums and dads, my focus was on dads, and I wanted to learn and develop from others in my situation. Naively, I thought this might take one or two months, but here we are six months later.&nbsp; The most difficult part of the process was setting up the interviews in the first place - everyone was so busy and lacked time; this is one of the themes that came out.&nbsp; My starting question to the interviewees was, "what is the biggest frustration being a business dad?" This was followed by: "what's the greatest fear of that frustration?" After 50 interviews, three reoccurring themes came up. Lack of time Lack of enagement Defining Success Time The most discussed points were about lack of time and trying to balance spending enough time on the business to drive it forward while making sure that there was a time in the day and week to spend with their children. As one interviewee mentioned: "The worry and a conundrum is the need to be present with the kids. But I also want to drive the business to be the best it can be so that when they're a little bit older, I've got even more free time." The problem is that we still have the mindset that more is better and not that better is better. For example, I was told by one dad: "I used to work 60 hours per week and wear it as a badge of honour. I was proud of being the first one in office and the last one out." There is always this juggle between the business and the children, hoping that one day you will have that free time to spend with your family. However, the events of the last two years have shown us that nothing is set in stone. There has been a lot of evidence surrounding the idea of delayed happiness and the problems it causes. Park et al. (2021) noted that when people see happiness as an investment, they believe that working hard and sacrificing opportunities for happiness now will contribute to greater future happiness. But this leads to negative effects and implications for self-regulation and emotions. One retired business dad I spoke to talked about the guilt of losing the early years. "My biggest fear is losing touch with my children's early years and worrying about not playing a big enough part in them, not just in their upbringing, but also in their emotional development."&nbsp; We are complex beings. Therefore, it's clear how this thinking can affect your performance as a dad and a business leader. I have worked in professional sports, and focusing only on an athlete's performance in the gym and training pitch can be easy. However, what happens outside of the training ground significantly affects performance.&nbsp; A recurring theme in my interviews was the idea of spending quality time with their children and making things as memorable as possible. One business dad spoke about the pressure of thinking of different things to do with his children. It might be the case that it's about just spending time with the family, creating that environment to be with them. Simply playing football in the back garden or drawing with them can be enough. I always felt that we, as dads, place massive amounts of pressure on ourselves. What adds to this lack of time is the number of daily decisions that business dads need to make. The overwhelming feeling regarding high amounts of information, decisions, and challenges has a massive impact on stress and anxiety levels. The best response I heard to this was: "I am spinning six to seven plates every day, and it is impossible to understand which is the most important plate to focus on." As this situation highlighted, we must understand that this level of decision-making and stress comes with a personal cost. "I was getting over 120 emails a day, on top of phone calls, meetings, and real work to do. I was working 80 hours a week, 52 weeks a year, and unable to manage my own business. I was so personally affected by it that when I start work at the beginning of the week, I'm already stressed; muscles contract because I fear what's coming. It is taking a long time to come down." How do you think this stress will affect your ability to be a dad?&nbsp; Do we, as business dads, create space and the time to recover from this continued pressure? Often not. We will go from the role of business leaders into the role of Dad, sometimes in the space of a few steps if working from home. We need to find a way to ensure that we can regulate the pressure.&nbsp; Lack of engagement The statement that came up several times in the interviews was that business dads struggle to be engaged or be present in each activity.&nbsp; At work, they often think about family life; when with the children, they think about business. How many times have you been playing with your children, and your mind wanders to business? "Oh, I must remember to email that client about x," or "I wonder if that staff member spoke to that client", or "that's an excellent idea for a new product". It isn't easy being a leader or founder. You are a creative person, and there is clear evidence that the best ideas come when we least expect them.&nbsp; The opposite, of course, can be true. Most of us, if not all, are doing some work from home. There are distractions all the time, and it becomes challenging to influence that environment. Sometimes it can be hard when you are entirely focused and working on a project, and your child walks into your workspace and asks you to fix their lego. You can't tell them to go away, and you want to be the best dad you can be. "It feels like pushing a boulder up a hill all the time, knowing if you let go, you will have to start all over again." This was a comment that one person said. It's this idea that we always need to be "on," always driving things forward, never taking a step back or having a rest. It all comes down to being present. But I want to talk to people about how engaged they were in that activity. Of course, your role requires you to be present, but we need engagement to truly affect the situation. Practising and having this idea in your mind when approaching a task can be super helpful. And that is the key, practice. Make sure you create the idea of reducing distractions at home or in the office.&nbsp; Whatever it might be, it's tough to be engaged. Most interviewees mentioned they were tired, primarily due to lack of sleep. This was the case for some business dads with young children interrupting their sleep most nights. To combat this, they consume a large amount of caffeine to mask the tiredness that builds up during the day.&nbsp; The business defines our success The pressure to build a successful business is massive. Every business dad spoke about this topic, and they were all motivated to create a successful business.&nbsp; How many social media posts daily do we see about growth and how to scale the business?&nbsp; How many LinkedIn profiles say, "I help businesses grow and scale….." Surely, not every business can grow and scale?&nbsp; And what happens if it doesn't? Does that make it a failure? When asking a business founder what their biggest frustration in business was, he responded:&nbsp; "My biggest frustration is growth; I am driven to grow the company, and I get frustrated when that takes time. I know that if I spend more time away from my family, I could increase the growth rate and reduce this feeling". This is a problem that we see in every decision that we make. If we say yes to one thing, we say no to another. We are not superhuman, we cannot do everything, but that is ok. I like to say that we have moved from human beings to human doings.&nbsp; How do we go about the issue with success in our businesses? A straightforward process needs to be implemented to define this success. Each of the business dads I spoke to was unique in their situation, the number of children, ages, location, roles, industries, and, therefore, had unique viewpoints on success. Success for some is growth and scale, while it's finding a stable work-life balance for others. Various factors affect the way we look at success. If the career or business does not go well, there will be significant challenges with finances, relationships and lifestyle. During the research, the underlying theme was that building the future and securing that future for the family caused the most anxiety and stress.&nbsp; There is a real challenge to carry this pressure, and this was one area where there were different answers. Do business dads take on the stress alone or share that pressure with a loved one? Some comments in the interviews were: "I am swinging brick." "Physically and mentally, I am broken, but emotionally I am good; I don't cry." That was what I heard two business dads say. It's this idea that whatever happens, good or bad, they need to be in control or hide their emotions.&nbsp; We have to question whether we spend enough time noticing our emotions. "We're human beings, and we're not robots. And occasionally, how you're feeling bleeds into your decision-making, your demeanour, how you're feeling at work and ultimately your life." This was a realisation of one individual and how he had gone on to develop his emotional intelligence. "Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control one's own emotions, the emotion of others, and that of groups." - Daniel Goleman. A key component of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, and&nbsp; for too long, this idea of "feeling your emotional side" was considered a weakness.&nbsp; As a business dad, you need emotional control and time and space to become aware of these feelings. It was evident in some discussions that there could be a sense of loneliness as a business dad.&nbsp; Holt et al. (2021) reviewed over 100+ studies on loneliness. It highlighted a relationship between loneliness and poor health outcomes and was similar to obesity in its consequences. How do you protect yourself from loneliness? Finding a support network is key, and there is a growing number of men's groups, primarily focusing on Dads.&nbsp; Protective of emotions&nbsp; My question was, why are we so protective of our emotions as business dads? Of course, we could discuss the conditioning we had from our fathers about being strong, not crying or the idea that very few of our childhood heroes cried. I have never seen Batman, Iron Man or The Rock cry, have you? Of course, as a business leader, there are moments when you need to be strong, times when you need to project others around you and keep calm.&nbsp; However, when do we take the time to reflect on our emotions? Or a better question would be when, as a business dad, do we have the time?&nbsp; Sensing and acknowledging feelings are the first two steps in the process of understanding their usefulness, how to respond and what can be learnt from them. I have mentioned how not being aware of emotions can affect health and cognitive performance; therefore, we all need to take the time to check in with our emotions. It's essential to block the time out in our calendars. The idea of the power of vulnerability is not new; the excellent work and research by Brene Brown into vulnerability highlighted the need for it and how to use it as a strength instead of a weakness (which it is usually seen as). For me, the best thing to do is go for a walk (with no phone) and ask myself how I feel. Summary I would like to thank all the people I interviewed for their honesty and openness to the challenges, fears and frustrations they are feeling. Trying to drive your business and career forward while being a great dad is a demanding task. Most of the dads I interviewed felt that more open and shared discussions around this topic would help. A number noted that they had found other dads to share challenges and experiences in similar situations. This will make a massive difference in combatting the feeling of loneliness that I mentioned earlier.&nbsp; I discussed three main areas: lack of time, inability to stay engaged, and how a business defines success. Business dads also mentioned a lack of control, decision-making being overwhelming, and difficulty setting boundaries. Being a working parent is challenging and demanding, especially when things in the business are not going well. However, with this situation comes the opportunity to grow as a person and to support your family moving forward. Understand that there are people in similar situations, and sharing your challenges, fears and frustrations with them will help you. I am always open to speaking to business dads. If you would like to get in touch, please drop me an email here at lee@congitiveathlete.co.uk. Reference Park, L. E., Fujita, K., Naragon-Gainey, K., Radsvick, T. M., Jung, H. Y., Xia, J., Ward, D. E., Paravati, E., Weng, J., Italiano, A., &amp; Valvo, A. (2021). Happiness—To enjoy now or later? Consequences of delaying happiness and living in the moment beliefs. Emotion. Holt-Lunstad, J. (2021). Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors: The power of social connection in prevention. American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine, 15(5), 567-573. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence. New York, New York: Bantam Dell. &nbsp;<blockquote>Building a business is tough, being a dad is tough, being a business dad is the toughest.</blockquote>

The pressure of being a business dad

My life’s passion is coaching people to achieve their full potential. Throughout my 20-year career, I have worked with athletes and business executives in elite environments, including professional rugby and football players, world-ranked tennis players and C-Suite executives at multi-national companies. I hold an MSc in Human Performance and a BSc in Sports Science and Coaching. Check out my Linkedin Profile here. I am the Founder and Performance Director of Cognitive Athlete, a bespoke human…

has been added

Media Pack / Portfolio

Lee Eldridge

Media Coverage

No media coverage has been added yet